What gay porn site are you?

I (Editor Joe) recently took the Buzzfeed Personality quiz “Which Gay Porn Site Are You?” and, apparently, the totally reliable scientific minds at Buzzfeed think I’m Raging Stallion studios – which I’m taking as a compliment.

The results state that I’m “a little rough around the edges, but that’s because your interests lie outside the mainstream. To some people it’s off-putting, but there’s definitely a sweet side to your dark exterior. You jump straight into the fire without asking questions, which challenges your friends to embrace their inner strength and do the same.”

As someone who has know me for 25 years, I think that’s pretty spot on. I’d like to believe that I can be nice but I’ve planned enough murders to know that I’m not exactly winning Mr. Congeniality. I do have a tendency to only plan on how to get to events but not what to do at events, and while I’m not sure if I “challenge” my friends, I’ll gladly take credit for inspiring them – even if it isn’t true.

Of course, a personality test that asks me to pick my favorite ice cream topping might not be 100% reliable, but it does give the writer in me fodder for characters.

Something I’ve noticed a lot of first-time writers have trouble with is understanding their characters. This creates problems later in the story when the plot needs to move forward, but it seems unnatural for the Douchebag Down the Hall to come to the rescue or to have the Sass Bitch not have a quip at the ready.

There are countless methods to prevent these roadblocks, such as having character sheets, but how do you fill out a personality sheet for someone who doesn’t exist? Just think of what gay porn site they are.

Favorite color? Raging Stallion-ers are big, bold are rough. They obviously love bright hues like red or orange.

Favorite place to eat? Raging Stallion-ers are impulsive and flaky. They love a new place every week.

What do they do when they see an ex unexpectedly? Raging Stallion-ers get in your face and brag about something. They storm up to that table and introduce whoever they’re with as they’re new beau/best friend, flaunting their latest success.

It’s 3:30 in the morning and the character just had a nightmare.What’s their reaction? For Raging Stallion-ers, it’s the only time they allow themselves to be vulnerable and weak because they’re alone and no one will know. They post on Facebook that “I guess it’s going to be one of those nights.”

The internet is riddled with personality tests that spit our genetic nothingness and should never been taken seriously. But in the myriad of that crap is the very basic description of a person. So if you’re struggling to build a character sheet, my advice is to watch some gay porn take one of those pointless tests as the character – it just might shed some light on who they are.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s